Filling in the Blanks... A Bittersweet Memory

My hub "A Bittersweet Memory" is a story about loss...loss of a loved one. My late husband, John, passed away on June 21, 1994. He was 35 years old. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was only 30. I hope you've read this story, otherwise you won't know what happened. You won't understand how hard it it to lose a loved one.

I would like to fill in the blanks. The days and months that I cared for John were hard, they were painful, but they weren't impossible. You see, I had the Lord. Without Him I wouldn't have known what to do! Without Him I would have been in deep despair! He provided for us when it seemed that there was no way. His miracles were needed, received and accepted with love...

June 21st is a day that I'll never forget. Not only June 21st but also June 5th. I am going to tell you about something that happened when John was in the hospital. He had an infection in his blood stream and because of a large open wound on his foot, he wasn't able to walk. I had a vision from the Lord before going to visit him at the hospital, the vision along with something the Lord told me was the reason I did what I did. And the Lord proved to be right!

When I was sleeping the Lord gave me a dream. He said that John was like our apple tree in the side yard. He told me that John was going to die, like the apple tree! When I awoke I immediately looked out the window so that I could see the apple tree. The apple tree was dead. The wild rabbits came in the winter time and ate the bark off of it and it died. It was a small tree, one that John and I and the kids had planted a few years earlier. I knew it was dead, now I knew that John was also going to die!

I put on my bathrobe and ran outside to get a closer look at it. It surely was dead. Then the Lord said to me, "bend over and look at the saplings." I did and noticed green saplings growing from the ground. The Lord said, "grab hold of them." I did and realized they were quite strong. The Lord once again said, "you and those who love John are to be strong like the sapling!" It was then that He told me to take John out of the hospital and go to Florida to visit my older children. And so I did...

I spoke with the doctor when I went to the hospital that morning. I told him that I wanted to take John to Florida. My daughter, Angie, had a baby in March and he was three months old. We had not seen him and I felt that the Lord wanted me to take John and my 2 younger children to see them. I told the doctor this and he agreed. Two days later we boarded a plane for Florida. It was the week before Memorial Day. With John in a wheelchair and 2 kids, ages 6 and 8, we left for Florida.

We were able to see the grandson we had never seen. John was able to hold him but he couldn't walk or talk. Angie and I dressed John and took him to her church; Angie's pastor and church friends prayed for John. We enjoyed visiting for a week and a few days after returning home I got a phone call. While Angie was at work the baby died. Angie's neighbor, a true friend and wonderful babysitter was watching him. She laid him down for his nap and he never woke up. The neighbor's husband was trained in CPR but couldn't revive him. This was the reason the Lord put it so heavily on my heart to take John and go to Florida. He knew the baby was going to heaven and we wouldn't see him again!

It was only 2 weeks later that John died. I attended orientation at SUNY College in Syracuse only 5 days before he died so I knew I was going to be attending college. The Lord provided for all of my needs. By the 4th of July I had my kids signed up for horseback riding. I took lessons with them and we were able to get comfort from loving on those horses. Once again the Lord provided! He had our lives all mapped out for us. Why? Because He loves us...and He'll do it again, and again, and again! John and I trusted the Lord through this whole time. He provided for us, encouraged us, and watched over us through the years that John was sick. Without the Lord I would never have held up like I did. He was a great source of encouragement when I needed Him the most! This is why I love the Lord!